...A subject that has been talked about endlessly for decades so why cover this subject? Because it still exists and it always will. It can be absolutely crippling, washing away your entire identity and confidence and the irony is that there is usually very little basis for us feeling this way. Did you talk your way into med school and now you have to perform surgery? Did you sneak into an airport as a pilot and now you have to land the plane? These would qualify as amazing reasons to feel this way (and please give me a wink in either situation so I can run in the other direction). Oddly though these feelings creep into very well-adjusted people who have been trained in and practiced their current or desired role and it feels exponentially so in the tech industry. We have let this consume us long enough so let's look at some quick and effective ways to fight it.

Why Is This Happening To Me?

To fix this problem we first must understand it. Why do we see ourselves as frauds when we have worked so hard to learn and understand something? There are so many threads and posts and tweets and blogs talking about the myriad of things that we, as developers, must know and learn and do. It can be entirely intimidating. Not only that but even in entry-level positions, the list of technologies and languages and experience needed can be daunting, to say the least. How is one supposed to take in all of this information and not feel pressure? It can feel as if it is never enough as if you are never enough. Our bodies are made to keep us from danger, to make us feel comfortable. What is uncomfortable? Not knowing, learning new things, the possibility of doing something wrong, of being judged. So here we are, unsure, uncomfortable, and afraid to act, but why? Has someone truly embarrassed us? Did we receive some criticism and took it the wrong way? Have we tried and failed and felt terrible about it? We've seen others who have been through these things who smile, shrug, and move on. Why? How? They believe in themselves and they know that these situations, regardless of how they may have made them feel at the time, were temporary and are all learning opportunities.

Building, Belief, Community

"Believe in yourself!" Sounds cute, it makes for a fun t-shirt or maybe one of those inspirational office pictures that we all roll our eyes at.

Yet, we have all known people who seem to simply declare themselves whatever they want to be, like children. That is what we should all do. The keyword is "do". So you are taking classes, you have graduated, you are self-taught and you have completed projects and have work to show. Yet you say things like "I am working towards..." or "I am learning..." or "I am applying to be..." The fact is that you ARE, you've DONE IT. Do you have decades of experience? No, but you've built a website, multiple maybe. Were they school projects or YouTube walkthroughs? Do they just live in your GitHub or your desktop? Sure, and that's absolutely fine. You, my friend, are a developer. Act like it, say it, add that title to your LinkedIn or other social media. You may not have a lot of experience but every day that you code and build you are gaining experience and adding to your toolkit. So we have covered the belief part, now comes the building.

Build, build, build. Maybe employment is the goal, maybe you want to freelance, but behind the scenes, regardless of if you have formal schooling or if you are self-taught, you have to build. Building projects will build your confidence and teach you skills. Things that you had a hard time grasping become second nature through practice and learning. More importantly, building projects help put you into various situations where you will need to rely on your resources to create a working project. Maybe these are skills that you know or some that you have to learn. How do you learn these things? Google. Everybody Googles code questions during their day regardless of their skill level. This is actually a skill that you will refine with time.

Another great way to get past this is to reach out to others. In my last blog I spoke about how lost I felt until I spoke to my classmates and instructors. The realization that you are not alone in these feelings can be enough but at least it is a start. For all of the insanity that can be thrown around on social media, you can also find a community of real people who deal with these issues every day. Maybe you can find a mentor who can help you along the way or maybe you find a shoulder to cry on or bounce ideas off of, in any effect, don't allow yourself to be alone, after all, it takes a village.

That's it?

"I have been devoured by impostor syndrome and you give me 3 easy steps"?

Impostor syndrome can ruin us, it can devour us and take over our thoughts and lives. Why let it continue with a long, drawn-out battle? It has taken enough from us. The things we have covered are things that we need to do on a consistent basis, and they have helped me and I know they will help you. Maybe now you bust into a room with a huge amount of courage and confidence. Maybe you feel a little better for a while and keep working on yourself. Both are fine. At the very least give yourself a little credit for all of the hard work that you have done, give yourself a little credit even if you are thinking about making a change. At least you have gotten that far. It all has to start somewhere and the bad parts can come to an end. Let us take a quick look at the word impostor for a second.

Definition of impostor : one that assumes false identity or title for the purpose of deception

False, deception, these are all illusions, things that are not real. Let us focus on what is real, what we have done, what we have and will continue to accomplish. Let us keep impostors where they belong, not among us but in Among Us.

Now the words boot camp can cause a multitude of reactions in the tech world. Usually, they are in the "boot camps are a waste of money/ are they worth it?" or "self-taught vs degree vs boot camp" arguments. The answer to these questions lies in each of us and there are so many variables to consider. For myself, I was 45, recently unemployed, and in need of some training in a short amount of time. I had tried the self-taught route using Codecademy, Treehouse and YouTube videos from Brad Traversy, and The Net Ninja to name a few. Now I had made some great progress and I was fully able to build whatever I wanted at that point, but I was missing something inside. I needed some validation, I needed to be anointed as a developer, to receive that piece of paper that said I had completed the program. Why did I need this? I wish I knew. I know all sorts of people who grandly declare themselves to be whatever they wish to be and then go out and do great things. I have always needed that outside validation for better or worse, mostly for worse. So with that in mind and a push from my wife and daughters I was on my way...to my basement for online boot camp.

The Rise

So there I was, ready for my 12 week "zero to hero" makeover! As I had mentioned I had been learning some development. I had a background with HTML, CSS, and JavaScript already so I thought I would be able to ease into things. We had some pre-work to do which was fun and exciting. Now there was some value to having even a basic skill set at the beginning. I was used to working with code editors, I had a basic understanding of some key concepts and I felt engaged and comfortable. This lasted about a week. By day 10 we had blown through everything I had known and we were moving on at about 100 miles an hour. With an average of about 2 projects per week (22 overall including 3 major projects), I was in for the ride of my life. We covered all of the classic projects, Quiz Game, To Do List, and a Weather App to name a few, and we forged onward to learn the entire MERN (MongoDB, Express, React and Node) stack.

The Fall (Almost)

Around week 4 we had just completed our first group project. Throughout the camp, I had been working about 6 hours a day after school either on projects or rewatching parts of, or the entire day's lectures. Weekends meant no new info or projects but it was no break for me. I would go down to my unfinished basement where my desk was, and still is, situated and I would try to catch up to at least be on even ground come Monday. There were soft deadlines for projects with their real due date being the 2nd last day of class. That said, nobody wanted to be the person cramming 10 projects into one or two weeks. By this point, I was able to hand in my first few projects but I still had about 3 partially completed. We had started on Node.js and while I was enjoying it, I felt that there were lingering issues with my understanding of past concepts that were hindering me now. It must be said that I had an amazing group of instructors, classmates, and support staff who were there as much as they could be but the one major disadvantage of an online boot camp for myself was the lack of personal interaction and ability to get answers outside of class time. You log off and sure, we are all in contact via all sorts of media and text, but at times it felt very lonely. It felt like I was the only one who was behind. I was debating quitting the course, I was ready to tap out. I couldn't face my family if I did, I was here, this was an opportunity and it was moving on with or without me.

The Point of No Return

At that point, something shifted within me. I knew that things were mounting and that more work was coming every day but it just didn't matter anymore. I could only do what I could do. I knew that I had to worry about what I could control. I brought my feelings up with my instructor before class and he was there to guide me through and assured me that while it wouldn't make my workload any easier that I was one of many who were behind and stressed out. Oddly, that made me feel better. In our daily group work, we started talking about how things were going and every person had the same feeling as I did. Now instead of feeling alone, I became the cheerleader. It is amazing what we will say to ourselves vs what we will say to others if they're in the same situation. The feeling of being overwhelmed became a feeling of duty and pride. Yes I was in a fight every day, some days I won and others I clearly lost, but I knew I had it in me to move forward and finish this race. Group Project 2 came and went and was my personal favorite and we were barreling towards the finish line. With about a month left I went from feeling excited about getting this monster off my back to really feeling mixed emotions about this whole crazy ride having to end. The promise of my instructors that 'these things will all start to make more sense as we move along" was definitely true. I went from doing things and making things work and not knowing exactly why to being able to repeat these actions later on with little issue and with much more understanding. That last month was, as usual, quite intense as we had yet to learn React and we had our final project due on the last day of class. There was lots to cover and even more to do but it was all coming to a close. How would this all end?

The Last Day...

So here we are, the last day of school. We had spent the last week and a half on our final project working days, nights, and the weekend. Our brains were the consistency of jelly and I probably had more coffee in my system than was humanly safe. As we had the morning to finish up on our presentations we started to chat about what we had learned and looked back on the past 12 weeks. I could still hear the yelling from the Zoom call happening in the basement as our project was deleting itself before our eyes during Project 1 as I made a sandwich upstairs. That was eight weeks before, it felt like a year ago. I remembered working in my bedroom with my little 13" screen as my kids had taken over the basement for a Halloween party during Project 2 with the computer on the bed and me sitting in a folding chair missing out on it all. The work had to be done. What hit me the most was what we had done in the last 10 days. In our final project, we had to create an app using React and we also had to use two things that we had not been taught in class. We had only been using React for about a week and a half so it was pretty new to us and now we were adding new languages or technologies to it. We worked with an actual client and filled their needs to the best of our abilities in those 10 days. To make this all work we actually added five new technologies to our project. Now the project itself worked as it was asked of us. We were able to complete it on time and present it on graduation day with everyone else. What we really learned from this was even more important, how to think through a project and learn and use new tools to complete it. As we broke off into front-end and back-end mini-groups, we took it upon ourselves to learn and teach new things to each other. Using a combination of documentation, walk-through videos, and brainstorming we made it all work. We would not have been able to do this 12 weeks ago. At that point on our final day, I finally felt like the true lesson was revealed. This is what being a developer is all about. Have you used Material-UI before? Nope. We're using it in this project. I will figure it out. It isn't the languages or frameworks or technologies that are important but your ability to work with them and find the right tools for the job. That is what I learned in my time in boot camp. I learned how to work with others, divide, and delegate. Maybe the most important lesson was that regardless of how you feel about the deadlines, you can't always change them and you will surprise yourself with what you can accomplish in these restricted timeframes. Are these types of tight deadlines a recipe for continued success? Of course not but having been through it and surviving shows you that they are possible and forces you into action.

So would I do it again? Yes. Would I recommend boot camps to others? Yes, depending on their situation. I can only speak for myself. I would love to have a degree to back me up, to have learned these concepts for 4+ years but I didn't have that opportunity. I also would have loved to have been able to cobble together a path to being self-taught. I mean, how cool does that sound? Both great, and not so great developers come from all of these paths. It is about the individual, not the path they chose. These paths make up their back story but they do not define them in any way. What you do after, now that is your real story.

University of Toronto Boot Camps

• I am in no way affiliated or was paid to write anything about my experiences

Around age 40 I began to reflect on my life. Work was fine, the marriage was fine, the kids were fine. Everything was "fine". Luckily the important elements were truly great but work, it was anything but fine. Sure it was secure and the people were nice enough but something was lacking. I knew I could work there as a salesman until I retired but as I looked around I saw something else. Everyone was a long-time employee and everyone was essentially in the same position for their entire career. Not exactly inspiring. In an effort to force some change I created an entire presentation showing how we could rebrand, get into the digital age and create growth through an online presence and e-commerce. I loved this company and I wanted to bring value and show my dedication by offering to learn and do everything for them on my own, making them need little investment on their part. That was met with polite applause at a meeting and little else. I was here, I was employed and I was stuck. Not wanting to let this go I found a short, online course Build Websites From Scratch from Codecademy.

Armed with a then chipper and powerful old MacBook Pro, I dove into this course on a nightly basis, across weekends and holidays. I still remember installing and opening my first code editor, Atom, and creating the classic "hello, world" H1 tag. Something clicked and was instantly gratifying. You write code here, it shows up there! I learned something, I created something. It had been years since I had truly learned or created anything. As the course wound down there was a feeling of sadness, I needed to do this more, could this be done professionally? By me? I was now the owner of a small portfolio of work. For some people, this is an invitation to declare themselves a developer and to never look back. Sadly for me, I am not that person but that is a topic for a future blog. Instead, I went back to my employer with a new presentation, now with a visual reference of what I could do for us! Crickets, polite applause, "where do we stand on our agreement with __?", facepalm.

With a feeling that I couldn't stay any longer yet a feeling that I couldn't just leave my job without a plan, I had to find something new. Could I actually apply for jobs as a web developer? Nobody would even look at me, right? I've added my new education to my LinkedIn, all of the jobs being sent to me are still for sales. I look for junior roles...all of which need 2-3 years of on the job experience. We all know this beautiful circle of hell. "Need job to gain experience. Need experience to gain job" (feel free to add your favorite confused Travolta or Jackie Chan meme here). And with that, I did what anyone would do. I found another job doing exactly what I was just doing but for a different company! Yay sales! A year and a half later, let's do it again! This will be better right? 13 years with one company, followed by 2 jobs in less than 2 years. Always in the back of my head was this feeling that I needed to become a developer, I was hooked but I couldn't just up and leave. I had bills to pay, mortgages, car payments, and most importantly a family to support. Maybe I could cobble together enough Brad Traversy and The Net Ninja videos to become self taught? If only I had more time. If only I had money coming in for a while where I could really dedicate myself to learning and practicing. Somewhat ironically for me, these shameless excuses came back to look me right in the eye with the monster that is COVID-19. My job was no more, the world was shut down, so I made the call.

Bootcamp!!!

To be continued...